My last post may have been a little extreme. It was just one of those nights. People warned me that moving to Provo wouldn't be easy but I guess I just really had no idea what I was getting myself into. This town is a whole new world. I really am just one baby fish is a huge sea. Although I will say... After many upset nights and uncomfortable introductions I have worked my toes into this little town. I definitely have work to do, but for now I feel pretty good.

How about a brief synopsis shall we?

A few words. Lots of pictures. My Utah life thus far. 

1. My bestie got married. August 22. 2012. Single handedly one of the most beautiful days of my life. Mariah and Benson were made for each other. They are perfect. I love them. 

2. My darling roomies/besties and I went to Lake Powell with some of our ward to watch conference. Talk about a good time. Can I go back?

The moment when I got up on the wake board has got to be one of the most exhilarating times of my whole life. I was so incredibly happy.

omg.... bestiessss.

Photo cred: Scott Knudson (he's kinda cool)

Only the best ward in Provo.

3. I left early with two of my roommates Holly and Hayley so that we could attend the Sunday afternoon session of conference in Salt Lake. Pash and I weren't supposed to go but last minute Mariah gave us two tickets. So grateful for that. What an amazing day that was. I love conference.

Arn't they the cutest? I love them.

4. My baby sister Madalyn Mae turned 17 on October 13th. Can we all take a moment for this little bundle of love? She is getting old. I am excited for her but... I think I would rather she just slow it down a little bit. Love you babygirl. You rock my world. I could not ask for a better sister and friend. You are incredible.

5. I went to a huge Halloween dance party "HallowFunkaWeen" with my roomies and some good friends. We had a blast. I could definitely go without all the skanky costumes and the nasty dance moves BUT I was in great company and we made our own fun. I had a blast.

Scott Knudson: Dead Mouse

 Pasha, Holly, and I.
"I LIKE DOING HOODRAT STUFF WITH MY FRIENDS"

oh sorry bout it. killin it.

We like to have a good time. 

If there is one thing this guy is good at... it is Gangnam Style...

 Mr. Keith Allen. I adore him. Such a great friend.

THE GROOPIES. 

Ladies and Gents, that is all.
Goodnight.

Provo.

I hate this place.

dang good.

My life is so good. So dang good.

Today I got a FREE scalp treatment. Also known as: "a little bit of heaven". They clean your whole scalp and then massage your head for T.E.N. minutes. Yes, I know... heaven. Did I mention it was free? Shwing! And, since I was feeling so good afterwards,  I completely forgot that I was even upset at the Paul Mitchell lady for not sending in my papers. And now im super over it cause it was hours ago. I highly recommend everyone trying this scalp treatment thing. You really can't go wrong. 

So at this point, my day has been pretty fantastic. Nothing to complain about. (Except for maybe being a wee bit bored at some points. But, I am sure I will wish I had that free time once it is gone...so, I'll just be grateful.) And, to top off this already great day... It's Game day! First home BYU game of the season. BYU vs. Washington State. And don't you worry... I got the sports pass, so I plan on attending very regularly. Who knew I would ever enjoy a football game?  Can't say I wasn't a little confused here and there... but, overall it was a success. I am feeling rather confident in my football understanding abilities. I went with Zacky, Pash Star, and Paul (Pasha's man). It was good times. We got some delish mexi food afterwards.. which I am now regretting. So typical.

Anyway. I am not really one for writing about what I did during the day... but, I am just so happy right now. I don't really have a ton of friends yet, or much to do during the day, but I love where I am. I love what is coming up in my life. I really couldn't be more excited to start school and get started on creating a great career for myself. 

Lastly... "That the Lost May Be Found" by: Elder M. Russell Ballard is such a great talk. If you watched last conference, than you probably know what I am talking about. I love rereading conference talks. They always have the most perfect words that you were searching to find. I loved this talk tonight. I know I say this all the time... but, I still feel like I don't say it enough, I am so grateful for the gospel. I really can not picture my life without it. I don't want to. It is the sole reason for my happiness and success. It is truly incredible what a difference it makes in my life. What more could we possibly ask for? We have been blessed with the fullness of the gospel. Jesus Christ died for me. He made all of this possible for me. And he is awaiting my return. By that time, I will have a husband and a family of my own. Oh, the joys life has to come. I am so grateful. 

I loved today.

Raise your hand if you have the greatest fam! -hand raised- Can I get an Amen?

Since I sorta crashed my car, my parents helped me move my butt to Utah. They picked me up from Texas.. drove me to Oklahoma, I flew to Utah, and a week later they drove all my crap to me. I have more crap than any 20 year old girl should ever have. whoopsie. They arrived yesterday. It only took them like a million hours to get here. (troopers...) Oh, and they brought my cute big/younger brother with them.

{Let's have a few words about Mason, shall we? This boy, I adore. He is the sweetest, most gentleman guy I know. Guys... take notes. AND He just got his mission call. He is serving in the Tacoma, Washington mission! Those people are so lucky. They are about to get one amazing dude. We had so much fun yesterday shopping for all of his mission things. When I say all, I am not kidding. That boy will be so set. And looking sharp I might add. I am so glad we god so spend a couple days together. Love you kid.}

To top off the fun I had with most of my fam... my mom took me for a little "back to school" shopping. I am more of a colorful clothing kinda girl. When I say that I mean, I own THREE black shirts. Just three. And for the next 13 months I am required to wear all black. Just black. So drab. Three shirts over and over and over? Yikes. Thank heavens for moms who put together cute outfits. I think I am ready for school. Although everything is black, I am so excited about my new goth wardrobe. (mostly because I got black spiked boots. siiickkk)

Anyway.

I miss my mom already. Come back? Please? I don't really have friends yet. Oh brother. Wish me luck this week. Should be interesting.

Until next time. Adios Amigos.

Sweet Reminders

Is there ever a "good" place to begin? Probably not when you abandon your blog for weeks/months at a time. I think I will just start HERE. 

HERE I am. In Provo, UT. I really made it. How? No clue. I swear everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong. Every penny I didn't want to spend, was spent. Everything that could have broken...broke. After every bump, I would try to talk myself out of the move. Every reason for me not to go seemed to be sitting right before my eyes. 

I never got a "You NEED to be in Utah" kind of revelation. I also never got a "You NEED to stay in Texas" kind of revelation either. Months and months I prayed and searched for that answer. Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be doing? I never received a specific answer. But, eventually I knew in my heart that whichever decision I made; It was going to work. Either direction I would go was going to be great for me and I was going to be happy. 

Beginning of summer came. So, I made my decision to move to Provo. I can't tell you how many times I questioned my move. At times, I wanted to give up and not go. Everything in the book went wrong. I finally got that feeling. The one where you know you need to push through it... and get your butt to Utah. So.... I am here. I made it. My computer may have died, I may have had lots of extra rent to pay, I may have totaled my car, I may have had to leave the most precious little girl, I may have lost tons of money that I worked so hard for, and I may have had a few down moments. BUT. I made it here just in time to spend a few days with my best friend before she got married. I get to be roommates with Pasha again. I live 4 minutes away from my brother. I live in a great home. I have a super fun ward. And I start school in 3 weeks. 

I have been in Provo for three days. Just three. The adjustment is....... interesting. I am nervous and scared. I feel out of my element. But, I am so excited. Things are looking up, right? I was feeling a little down. I logged into my blog and read my last post. It is exactly what I needed to here. Such a sweet reminder. How is it that I so often forget about the love my Savior has for me? He has a plan for me. Every single thing that happens in my life is for a reason. Through every little thing I have faced, I am being prepared for my future. I am gaining a stronger relationship with Him. He is preparing me to be a wife and mother. 

He loves me. He has this all figured out. I could not be more grateful. I feel so confident in where I am and what I am doing. I know its going to take some adjusting and lots of hard work... but it isn't anything He hasn't prepared me for. Things are only looking up from here. 

learning to love.

I have always been told... "In order to truly love someone, you must first love yourself".

Lately this runs across my mind very often. I regularly wonder if I really love myself, and question if I am "ready" to love someone else.

Looking back at my life this past year, tears come to my eyes as I realize how much I have changed; how much I have grown. Sometimes I almost feel ashamed for measuring my worth, and progression based on the things of this world as opposed to my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I wish it didn't take countless sleepless nights and buckets of tears to realize and remember what I have known my entire life. He is proud of me, and he does love me. Therefore, I should feel the exact same way. He knows me. He knows my weaknesses, and through trying them he gives me opportunity to create strengths. That, I am grateful for.

Although I may wish I was 20 pounds lighter, three shades darker, and years further in my education... I would be foolish to measure the woman I have become based on such worldly accomplishments. I know I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. Jesus Christ created me. He gave me a strong, healthy body that I am so grateful for. He blessed me with friends and family who love me for the dork I am. He trusts me. He has given me leaders who have taught me so much. He has placed, oh so perfectly, the people in my life. Especially this past year, I can honestly say, that every person in my life has been placed there for a specific reason, whether they know it or not. He sent me to Texas to gain some of the most important education I could possibly gather throughout this life. He put me here to become the woman I am to become.

At the temple tonight, with a prayer in my heart, I hoped to find answers. I left feeling amazing as usual, but still answerless. An hour ago I figured it out. I already knew the answer. His spirit was enough of a reminder for me. He does love me. I love me. He gave me, "me". For that I can't thank Him enough. This is just one step of my journey. The best part is...  He has already walked the path, and has left his footsteps for me to follow.

This weekend was rockin!

Typically a weekend comes and a weekend goes and nothing too exciting happens. This weekend was the exception. I had a such a blast with all my friends. Except now, I am dreading work tomorrow. Although I have the greatest job. I don't even know how I scored it. I'm one lucky son of a gun.

So, usually I work on Fridays. Typically from 7-5. All day long. This Friday was different. The family was out of town, which means I get the day off. Boo-ya. Days off = endless possibilities. This day was so much fun.

My little Pashstar and I spent the entire day together. This is normal. Very normal. But today was extra great. Because we got to spend it with some of my fun friends as well.

These are some of my uber cool friends. Except we look like possessed aliens or something. iPhone cameras.

At the end of this wonderful night... I got to skype two of my favorite boys. Mr. Wesley Monahan & Mr. Daniel Whitlock. They really are some of the studliest boys I know. I wish I had a picture of this. I have lots of videos... but I will spare them the embarrassment.

Then. Saturday came. That was another fabulous day. I went to a Cinco de Mayo pool party with my friend Christopher, and some of his buddies from school. I ate too much food. It's okay though because the company was fabulous. Such a funny group of people. I sure did enjoy myself. That evening, I saw the Avengers. That's Pashstar (pic 1) and (pic 2) Mr. Stark himself... aka:Keith Allen. It was a splendid movie. Makes me wanna be a ninja.

Keith is one of my pretty good friends here in Fort Worth. Except he is leaving next week to move back to Utah. Makes me really sad, thinking that I won't be able to hang out with him anymore... but I am happy for him. He is excited. And he is doing great things with his life which is wonderful. He and I served at FHE leaders together and we had some really good times together. You rock Keithster.

Then Sunday came. And again, it was a really great day. Church was wonderful. Fast Sunday is always so nice. I love hearing other people's testimonies. Pash and I made this super delicious dinner and had some handsome boys over to eat and watch the CES devotional. We made a roast, with potatoes and carrots, rolls, and homeade cookies. One day someone will want to marry us cause of our super cool skills. One day.

P.s. Devotional was really good. Elder Jensen is such a great man. Just in case you missed it... there is a link below! I hope your weekend was fabulous too!
http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/watch/ces-devotionals/2012/05?lang=eng&pid=738917358001&pkey=AQ~~,AAAAmBrDwtE~,_58lK-P1xvJ5WTHbRnmdONkYkAiPKoal

1:31 in the A.M.

Ever realized that something about you had changed, but you didn't know what is was? You just know your a little different than you were yesterday.

This happened to me. 

These last few weeks have been a roller coaster ride for me. Basically, I have been experiencing so many different emotions. I have realized something though. About my trials. I realized that it is 100 percent up to me, how I decide to let things affect me. I used to think to myself, fairly regularly... "no one should ever have to go through something like that". Those word have run through my mind for years, as I watch people experience heart breaking trials, or as I go through rough patches myself. Although we may not have done anything to deserve the trials we face, we accepted each and every one of them before we came to this earth. We wouldn't have accepted them if we weren't certain we could concur them. As I have struggled to overcome different obstacles in my life, I was so focused on myself and why I would have to face something so terrible that I failed to do the one thing that would release the the pain and the anger. As things began to resurface, and feelings of grief began to creep in and take over my entire body. To the point where I wasn't even sure what I was feeling anymore. I didn't feel like me. Something else had taken over. It was dark, and so terribly overpowering. Unable to comprehend these feelings I asked my Heavenly Father for help. Begging him to take away the hurt I could feel so strongly. I could literally feel my Savior there. I could feel him waiting for me. Waiting for me to let him embrace me. All I had to do was walk into his arms. He has already suffered my sins and the sins of others. Not only that, but he has felt every sorrow and every pain. He really knows my heart. I could not be more grateful for the Lord's hand in my life. I can not imagine having to face this world without the knowledge of the gospel. I would be a fool to think I could possibly face this life on my own. To my Savior, I will be forever indebted to. Forever grateful. And forever loving of him. He is there, I know, because I can feel him. 

Hot Yoga.

Today I experienced something I never thought possible. Hollllllllly crazy. Hot Yoga everyone. It is one of the hardest, most challenging, yet relaxing, and feely good thing I have ever done. My entire body feels amazing. I am so excited to keep taking these classes! It kicks my butt but it is so fun and it's completely motivating. I love it. One thing I must do before my next class is drink WAY more water. You are literally drenched the entire time, sweating like a mad dog, therefore you have got to be hydrated or you will pass out...(I almost did). Also, I had only about 2.5 hours of sleep in me... bad idea. But I was just so excited about the class my little brain woke me up at 4am! It's okay... lesson learned. Gotta get rest. With that being said, this girl is going to bed. Tomorrow  I will be swimming. Yee!

little gut feelings.

I really want to post right now... I have so many thoughts, but I think I will leave them in my head. Mostly because they make no sense. But I still have a few things to say....

1. Happy Birthday to Pinto! He is one fabulous brother and I love him so so much. Spenc, don't ever forget how much you mean to me. You are always there for me; you get me, and I love it. xoxoxoxo

I know none of us even look like this anymore... but I still love them. That was a fun day!

2. Life is about to take some serious turns. I'm just ready to go. To make something of everything I have been given. I don't even know what that means... but I'm about to figure it out. 

3. HOT YOGA.

Tomorrow. 

Words can't even describe how excited I am. Yeee! One day I will be like this.... maybe. It's worth a shot right? What do I have to loose? Weight? I'm in.

4. Like an idiot, I forgot my work shoes when I went to work this morning... whattt? Who does that? Seriously? Thank heavens for Pash because she saved my life. She rescued me. Like always. I owe that girl my life I swear. If only I had a brain. Anyways... while waiting for her I realized I hadn't read my scripture this morning due to my lazy sleepy body that wasn't waking up. Typical. So I decided to put my super nifty Gospel Library app to use. BAM. Conference talk. Man, I love those. I read, "Personal Revelation and Testimony" by: Sister Barbra Thompson 

What a remarkable woman. I recommend it. I loved it. 

5. It's bed time for this lady. Tootles. 

Daddy.

Happy Birthday Daddy. It is hard for me to imagine loving a man more than I love him. He is pretty close to perfect in my mind. When I was just a wee little girl... I told my mom that I was going to marry daddy when I grew up. She told me she had already married him, so I would have to meet someone else to marry. I was furious. I didn't talk to mom for a few days after that. Lucky for me, I get to have him in my life eternity. As my father. He has always instilled such great habits in me growing up. He has taught me to be the woman I am today. He has taught me to work hard and to always put the Lord first. If we do that, pay our tithing, have personal study, attend church weekly, have faith, be a kind person, and always work to our fullest potential... Everything will work out. Even when they seem like they will fall apart. He has shown me through example, what a worthy priesthood holder looks like. What a father, husband, and friend should be. He has shown me how to treat others, and myself. Thank you daddy, for helping shape who I am today. Thank you for always believing in me. Happy birthday, I love you so much. You're my hero. & you always will be.

The pure love of Christ.

First of all... Happy Valentines Day to everyone. In my own personal opinion, who cares if you have a "special someone" to share today with. If you ask me... it is a day of love. A day we can show love to whomever we please. It is a day where we can simply bask in the happiness of others, or of our own. As most people already know... I was blessed with the greatest mom around. She is the most incredible example to me. One day, I would consider myself the luckiest girl alive to turn out half as amazing as she is. I don't think a day goes by where she isn't constantly thinking of others. To me, my mom is an extraordinary example of the pure love of Christ. This past Sunday a boy in my ward spoke on "the pure love of Christ". It was an amazing talk. These last couple days I can't get it out of my head. Charity. Charity is more than ordinary love; it is everlasting love, perfect love, the pure love of Christ which endures for all eternity. It is an eternal love that is centered in righteousness. So much so that the person who possesses it has no aim or desire except for the eternal welfare of his own soul and for the souls of those around him. I am so grateful. So eternally grateful for life, and the opportunity I have to live it with the knowledge of the gospel. I am so grateful for family. Eternal life, and eternal love. I am grateful for my Savior and for the love he has for me as an individual. He loves me through my imperfections. He loves me through my highest of highs and my lowest of lows. He helps me through everything. Because of his love we are all here today with the incredible opportunity to live life to the fullest and to repent of our sins. We are able to return to him again. 

Happy Valentines Day

Forgiveness.

Church was amazing today, except for the part where I was an emotional wreck. (Fast Sunday does that to me) I love listening to everyone's testimonies. Everyone says something completely different, yet it all goes back to one thing...our Savior. I am so grateful for the gospel. A life without it, I can not even begin to imagine. 

Today, in Relief Society, we had an amazing lesson on "The power of Forgiveness".

"I wish today to speak of forgiveness. I think it may be the greatest virtue on earth, and certainly the most needed."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

 It was such a great lesson. As I really started to think, I wondered to myself...how soon am I to forgive? My thoughts were running wild. I realized I may not be as quick to forgive as I should be. Who would I be to expect to be forgiven if I can't find it in my own heart to forgive? Christ is our perfect example. No matter what may happen, or what we do... he is always standing there with open arms. He is always waiting for us to come home. I am so grateful for his love and his example of forgiveness... for the opportunity to partake of the atonement every week. I am so blessed. 

Today was a beautiful day, 

Happy Sunday!

................ (insert something positive here)

Woke up feeling great. I was ready for a fabulous day. And fabulous it was, until now. Lately that feeling of discouragement will come over me as the day goes on and I start to realize my life is going nowhere. Sometimes this can be motivating, but right now I just want to go to the gym and dance...and never come home. So that's what I will do... DANCE, and never coming back.

p.s. having only one friend, that works opposite shifts as you, is kinda not fun.... at all.

Day One.

Well, So far... So good.
Without being super boring and telling my life story... again...let me just say today is a beautiful day. I feel happier than I have in awhile. Brushed a little bit of dead weight off my shoulders this afternoon. I also allowed myself 15 extra minutes in the morning to say my prayers and read my scriptures. 1 Nephi baby. That's right. Starting fresh. I feel good already. With millions of days to come.

FHE is soon, and well... It's sorta my job to make sure everyone has a good time. No pressure right? Sheesh. I actually really love my calling. It is a blast, and I have some pretty spectacular committee members.

Lastly, I talked to Jordyn tonight. Boy, do I love her. (even though we are brats sometimes) I am just thankful to have her in my life.

Yay for good days, friends, and family. Woo!

Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks. - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

So, I have decided to make a few changes.. in my personal life, as well as this blog. Typically I write about my day, or my week, a recent activity, a friend, or maybe something fun I made or would like to make. But lately I haven't written at all. I find myself on my own blog on a regular basis wanting to make a new post, yet realizing I have nothing to post about. Because in my time I am at work, or on Facebook, or calling my mom a million times a day, or daydreaming on Pinterest... as I think of these activities I become disgusted with myself. Because I start to realize I can't put scripture study, or personal development, service.. on that list. Those are the things I want to see there, or be able to put there.

With that being said, today I have decided to turn this blog into a "personal development" blog. Somewhere I can write about becoming a better me. Where I can talk out the words I read of our prophet, and general authorities. I am not by any means quitting my "social" aspect of life, but managing my time to where this is my priority. Where Heavenly Father and my Savior are my priority.

I talked about my goals in my last post.... but that has changed. I am still pumped an excited about this new year, but from a different light. Instead of loosing 20 lbs, I want to be healthy. I want to gain more spiritual growth and become more like my Savior. I want to live a life he will be proud of. I want to be the kind of person people can look up to. I want to serve those around me and prepare for a mission that I could be serving by the end of this year, or in thirty years. Prepare to be a wife, and a mother. And ultimately, prepare myself for the last day. Prepare myself to stand blameless before God, that I may return to him.

So Pumped!

I am just on a ridiculous high right now. A natural one. Of course, just thought I would clarify. I am SO PUMPED for this new year. Kinda weird how it's really just a new set of days but it seems to make us all excited. We can kinda have a fresh start. Even though technically we could have done that in August.. or November but we like doing it now. And I am A-OK with that. Today is a day of goals, and lists, and cleaning, and all around excitement. Because this year I want to be better and stick to all the plans I have had forever. This is going to be a year of action. So put on your seat belts everyone, cause I am ready to go!

P.s. I love this so much. We can all use a little reminder sometimes. What an amazing man. I feel so blessed.